Category Archives: Life
Well, well, well…here I am writing another post! I’m soooo onto it.
The last two days have been pretty crap. I’ve been off work for two days with a crippling cold and sleeping through the night was out of the question. Thankfully, I woke up this morning feeling sooo much better! My stomach actually feels relatively normal. The cold symptoms are still there, but that’s nothing that cold medicine can’t deal with.
I have pretty much been living off of fruit toast, butter, cheese toasties, and porridge and I’ve barely moved. There have been no veggies in sight.
When I used to feel sick when I was in the depths of my disorder, I would struggle to rest and eat without going for a walk or run. I would feel guilty for looking after myself!
Thankfully, I no longer feel like that. I do not feel guilty for feeding myself and resting my body. That’s what your body needs when you’re not feeling 100%. It has made me realise how important it is to look after yourself. I no longer worry about how much I’m eating or how little exercise I’m doing. I know that if I had restricted myself and gone for a work, I would have felt even worse for it. Exercise is supposed to make us feel good. If you know you won’t feel good by the end of it, then don’t do it. It’s as “easy” as that.
On a less sickening note, I have finally booked flights to go over to the UK! I am so excited. I now feel very poor, however. The trouble with living at the bottom of the world is that when you want to travel to the far north, it will cost you a pretty penny. My flights were relatively cheap considering what other airlines were charging, but I know it was money well spent.
I’m very excited to finally meet some good friends that I’ve met through the blog world and twitter. I consider these people to be close friends even though I’ve never met them. How funny is that?
Bring on the 23rd of June 😀
Do you feel guilty for not exercising or eating properly when you feel sick?
Are you travelling anywhere exciting this year?? 🙂
But I’m back!!!
If you follow me on Twitter then you’ll know why I’ve been M.I.A. I’ve been completing my last and final year at university and I am sooooo relieved that it’s over. This year has been one of the hardest years of my life. I’m gonna say it now: post-grad is hard. But I did it! Well, actually we’ll have to wait until I get my grades, but I know in my heart of hearts that I did my best and that’s all I can do. Some days my best doesn’t feel good enough but that’s a result of me comparing myself to others, which I need to. Stop. Doing.
Anyway, how are you all? I don’t know what to do with myself now! As soon as I got home from my exam today I started throwing out notes I didn’t need (that wouldn’t be useful to me at any point in the future) and started dusting. Who the hell does that? Surely, I should be going out and killing brain cells with drink but nooooo. I’m not one to drink these days so I choose to…clean…instead. I’m weird.
This is just a short post to let you know that I am back and I will be posting more regularly from now on.
What is your favourite thing to do after you’ve finished exams?
Thank you for your awesome comments on my last post. Ugh, the Fitspiration movement just gets me so heated. It’s a disgusting movement and it makes me sad to see people following it and thinking that they’re being healthy. Oh well, it’s not my life. Not anymore.
For the past week, I’ve been housesitting for one of my brothers friends. When he asked me a month ago if I’d be interested I kind of freaked out and immediately thought, NO! But you know what? I scared myself and accepted to do it. I’ve never been flatting or relied on myself for food so I thought it would be a good little experiment for me to see how I handled it. Oh, and having a good friend to stay with me is always fun 😛
But when I got here, I realised that I had forgotten something really important…
My kitchen scales.
*Gasp* Katy, what are you doing with kitchen scales? Why do you need to be measuring your food? Just gimme a second to explain, please.
At the beginning of my recovery, I needed to start measuring food so that I didn’t use too little amounts. That was over two years ago. But because I’ve just never thought about giving them up, I just…haven’t done it.
Now that I’m all of sudden faced to eat food without measuring it first, it kind of brought about some anxiety for me. I never even thought I had a problem with this but then again I had never given myself the opportunity to face this.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t measure everything. Just things like oats, rice, cereal, etc. But to be honest, I kind of need to measure my oats and rice so that I get the right liquid to dry ratio. Or is that just an excuse? I can’t tell!
It’s been a week now without my scales and I’m not too bothered, to be honest. Like I said, at first it made me anxious but now I don’t really care. It’s all about intuitive eating right? Scales shouldn’t be determining how much our bodies needs. Serving sizes on packets should not be determining how much we should be eating. Our bodies know how much we should be eating. They will tell us when we’re hungry and they will tell us when we’re fall. Sometimes we will eat when we’re not hungry and not eat enough when we are hungry. It’s all about practice. Learning how to eat intuitively isn’t easy but it’s incredibly liberating.
I think I need to find some space in our cupboards at home for yet another disordered measuring implement.
Have you ever struggled with giving up your measuring scales? Have you ever even struggled with this? Tips?
[WARNING: Contain offensive language.]
OK, these thoughts have been spinning round and round in my head for so long and the more I think about it and the more I see the stupid comments that we (us at the Libero Network) get about this, the more I get angry about it.
If you don’t know what Fitspiration is, it is a movement created by people to encourage others to exercise and get fit.
That’s great! I have nothing against people encouraging others to exercise and feel good about themselves. Exercise is good for the body when done in moderation and for the right reasons.
But when images like this
are plastered on social networking sites and all over the media, it’s beginning to get too much.
To me, the Fitspiration movement has become more of a cult, encouraging others to feel bad about themselves as they are and strive for this ideal body that, as I said, is being plastered all over the internet.
Not only that, but they chose a name much like that of the anorexic “Thinspiration” movement, which, as many of you know, has disturbing images of skeletal girls and boys standing around looking half-dead. Why would you name a supposed healthy exercise movement that is similar to the thinspiration movement?
I mean, really?
People are fighting back against the Libero Network’s “Stop Fitspiration” movement saying that because we are saying this, we must be fat and lazy, etc.
No, that is not why are against Fitspiration. When people see these images, they start to feel bad about themselves. They start to feel as though they’re not doing enough exercise or they’re not trying hard enough. Not only is it making people feel bad because their bodies don’t look like those in the images, it’s making people strive for this “ideal” body, which is unrealistic for people that don’t exercise for a career.
People are being brainwashed into thinking that these kind of messages are good to spread around, particularly in the blog world.
To me, it’s exercise-addiction masquerading as a healthy message and is very much like “Thinspiration”. In fact, it would appear that Fitspiration is the new Thinspiration.
As someone who went from looking at “thinspiration” on the internet to looking up to ripped people like Jillian Michaels and certain celebrities, my obsession was to no longer be thin but to look toned and lean. And oh boy, did I get carried away with the messages these people were sending out.
I couldn’t go a day without exercising for 2 hours because I was being told by society that it was the right thing to do. I was exercising harder and harder every time to the point where my heart started palpitating during my workouts. it got to the point where I was so injured that every single workout was painful.
It’s been over two years since I gave up my addiction to exercise and began my journey of mending my relationship with my body and exercise and my body is still recovering. Even though I’m at a healthy weight and my body is functioning properly, when I go out for a walk or do some yoga, I still feel pain in my joints. It’s everlasting. I regret those years that I pushed my body so hard. When I hear these messages saying, “You never regret a workout”, I can honestly say that I have regretted many a workout. I have regretted ever letting these stupid messages get to me.
I am still in the process of mending my relationship with exercise and these fitspiration messages are definitely not helping, but when I read them, I just have to laugh because they are so ludicrous.
Let’s take the second image above for example:
“You can feel sore tomorrow or you can feel sorry tomorrow. You choose.”
Are you FUCKING serious? Come on people, I know you’re smarter than that! What message is this giving people? It is telling people that if they don’t exercise, they should feel guilty! WHY SHOULD WE FEEL GUILTY FOR THAT? It’s hard enough having the voice in your head making you feel guilty and now we are being told to feel guilty from external sources?
Particularly when people that usually get involved in this movement are those that feel insecure already. This is just adding gasoline and butane gas to the already raging fire!
I know I’m probably going to get some pretty bad backlash from this but I don’t care. This is my opinion and this blog is my outlet. If you like Fitspiration then good for you. But don’t try and make myself and others who are struggling with body image and self-love feel bad about ourselves because you do.
Please note: I am in recovery from an eating disorder and is someone who has had much experience with the Fitspiration movement. This is my own personal opinion. Do not call me fat or lazy because I am against Fitspiration. If that’s the only comeback you have, then that really says something…