Category Archives: Health

In Two Minds

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, but I hadn’t figured out a way of articulating it. Now that it’s Easter Sunday and I’m up waaaay too early for my liking, I figure that my creative juices should be flowing, so why not write it now?

Of late, my eats (I hate the word diet) haven’t been the healthiest. I’ve been eating chocolate, cakes, processed meats, etc. for quite a while now and I’ve been feeling it. I have had no energy and I’ve just all round been feeling like crap. Mentally eating this way doesn’t affect me, but physically I’m suffering.

I discussed it with a close friend who’s digestive system is very much like mine (IBS, anyone?) and she’s been making healthy changes to her way of eating such as having smoothies, less processed foods, less FODMAP foods, less sugar, and she says she’s been feeling much better.

However, I am in two minds. I’ve been trying to add healthier foods into my day, but it’s really been making the orthorexic thoughts in my mind go crazy. I have an all or nothing personality when it comes to my “diet” and so on days when I haven’t eaten anything like chocolate, etc. and then I suddenly feel like chocolate, the thoughts go rampant wanting me to not go near it because I’ve been eating so healthy so far and that having a piece or two of chocolate will ruin it. Despite these thoughts, I’ve been eating chocolate anyway because I don’t want to deprive myself of what I truly want. But I hate that when I choose to eat healthier, these thoughts come rushing back.

I’m not saying that I’ve been acting on these thoughts. There is no way in hell that I’m going to go back to that dark place in my head.

I have to admit that I have been feeling better since I’ve chosen to add healthier foods and I’m most definitely NOT cutting back on foods like I did in the past when I chose to eat healthier. Today is Easter and I’m certainly not going to go without chocolate! Could you imagine a life without chocolate? I don’t even want to think about it…

I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this, and if so, how did you overcome it? I know that I just have to tell myself the honest reason as to why I’m choosing to be healthier, but I’m just scared that I’m kidding myself. I do like that I’m trying different foods and feeling better all round, but I just don’t like the effect that it’s having on my mind…

On a jollier note, Happy Easter!!!!! 😀

katy

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Looking After Myself

Well, well, well…here I am writing another post! I’m soooo onto it. 

The last two days have been pretty crap. I’ve been off work for two days with a crippling cold and sleeping through the night was out of the question. Thankfully, I woke up this morning feeling sooo much better! My stomach actually feels relatively normal. The cold symptoms are still there, but that’s nothing that cold medicine can’t deal with.

I have pretty much been living off of fruit toast, butter, cheese toasties, and porridge and I’ve barely  moved. There have been no veggies in sight.

When I used to feel sick when I was in the depths of my disorder, I would struggle to rest and eat without going for a walk or run. I would feel guilty for looking after myself! 

Thankfully, I no longer feel like that. I do not feel guilty for feeding myself and resting my body. That’s what your body needs when you’re not feeling 100%. It has made me realise how important it is to look after yourself. I no longer worry about how much I’m eating or how little exercise I’m doing. I know that if I had restricted myself and gone for a work, I would have felt even worse for it. Exercise is supposed to make us feel good. If you know you won’t feel good by the end of it, then don’t do it. It’s as “easy” as that.

On a less sickening note, I have finally booked flights to go over to the UK! I am so excited. I now feel very poor, however. The trouble with living at the bottom of the world is that when you want to travel to the far north, it will cost you a pretty penny. My flights were relatively cheap considering what other airlines were charging, but I know it was money well spent. 

I’m very excited to finally meet some good friends that I’ve met through the blog world and twitter. I consider these people to be close friends even though I’ve never met them. How funny is that? 

Bring on the 23rd of June 😀

Do you feel guilty for not exercising or eating properly when you feel sick?

Are you travelling anywhere exciting this year?? 🙂

katy

My Thoughts on Medication

I feel passionately about helping people struggling with eating disorders and anxiety. I have had a lot of experience with both and it was a long and hard struggle.

I have to deal with my anxiety on a day-to-day basis and some days are easier than others. I’ve talked about my anxiety struggle here and the journey hasn’t been easy. There are days when I feel completely relaxed and others where I feel so on edge that I feel like I’m gonna pass out or throw up. But seriously, I don’t think I would be able to control my anxiety as well as I do these days without the help of medication. 

Medication isn’t for everyone but for a long time, I thought the same thing about myself. I believed that taking anti-depressants would make a numb and would change who I am. I believed they would completely change me or make me gain weight or make me ill. It wasn’t until my anxiety started to affect my life that I decided it was time to take that step.

Medication isn’t the be all and end all, however. Once you start taking it, it doesn’t mean you have to take it forever. Medication is something to help you get on your feet. I remember talking to my mum about going on medication and she gave me some great advice. She said,

“If you had high blood pressure, you would take medication to bring i down, wouldn’t you? It’s just like that. There is something that isn’t right medically and medication is a way to help with that.”

She is completely right! If you need that little bit of help to be able to control your anxiety (or depression) then why not? 

I’ve been taking citalopram for over a year now and I think it’s one of the best choices I’ve ever made. When I decided to start with medication, I was so crippled with anxiety that just stepping out of my house was a struggle. I couldn’t do things that scared me and it was affecting my recovery. Because I was anxious all the time, I really struggled to eat a sufficient amount, started losing my hair, and worst of all, I was losing weight. I did NOT want the anxiety to make it harder to recover.

Thankfully now, I have been able to reach a more than healthy weight, do things that scare me and basically live my life. 

Medication isn’t for everyone but it has definitely worked for me.

 

 

What are your thoughts on medication? Have you ever taken medication to help you with anxiety/depression? If so, did it work for you?

Giving Up Kitchen Scales?

Hey everyone!

Thank you for your awesome comments on my last post. Ugh, the Fitspiration movement just gets me so heated. It’s a disgusting movement and it makes me sad to see people following it and thinking that they’re being healthy. Oh well, it’s not my life. Not anymore.

For the past week, I’ve been housesitting for one of my brothers friends. When he asked me a month ago if I’d be interested I kind of freaked out and immediately thought, NO! But you know what? I scared myself and accepted to do it. I’ve never been flatting or relied on myself for food so I thought it would be a good little experiment for me to see how I handled it. Oh, and having a good friend to stay with me is always fun 😛

But when I got here, I realised that I had forgotten something really important…

My kitchen scales.

*Gasp* Katy, what are you doing with kitchen scales? Why do you need to be measuring your food? Just gimme a second to explain, please.

At the beginning of my recovery, I needed to start measuring food so that I didn’t use too little amounts. That was over two years ago. But because I’ve just never thought about giving them up, I just…haven’t done it.

Now that I’m all of sudden faced to eat food without measuring it first, it kind of brought about some anxiety for me. I never even thought I had a problem with this but then again I had never given myself the opportunity to face this.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t measure everything. Just things like oats, rice, cereal, etc. But to be honest, I kind of need to measure my oats and rice so that I get the right liquid to dry ratio. Or is that just an excuse? I can’t tell!

It’s been a week now without my scales and I’m not too bothered, to be honest. Like I said, at first it made me anxious but now I don’t really care. It’s all about intuitive eating right? Scales shouldn’t be determining how much our bodies needs. Serving sizes on packets should not be determining how much we should be eating. Our bodies know how much we should be eating. They will tell us when we’re hungry and they will tell us when we’re fall. Sometimes we will eat when we’re not hungry and not eat enough when we are hungry. It’s all about practice. Learning how to eat intuitively isn’t easy but it’s incredibly liberating. 

I think I need to find some space in our cupboards at home for yet another disordered measuring implement.

Have you ever struggled with giving up your measuring scales? Have you ever even struggled with this? Tips?