Category Archives: Food

In Two Minds

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, but I hadn’t figured out a way of articulating it. Now that it’s Easter Sunday and I’m up waaaay too early for my liking, I figure that my creative juices should be flowing, so why not write it now?

Of late, my eats (I hate the word diet) haven’t been the healthiest. I’ve been eating chocolate, cakes, processed meats, etc. for quite a while now and I’ve been feeling it. I have had no energy and I’ve just all round been feeling like crap. Mentally eating this way doesn’t affect me, but physically I’m suffering.

I discussed it with a close friend who’s digestive system is very much like mine (IBS, anyone?) and she’s been making healthy changes to her way of eating such as having smoothies, less processed foods, less FODMAP foods, less sugar, and she says she’s been feeling much better.

However, I am in two minds. I’ve been trying to add healthier foods into my day, but it’s really been making the orthorexic thoughts in my mind go crazy. I have an all or nothing personality when it comes to my “diet” and so on days when I haven’t eaten anything like chocolate, etc. and then I suddenly feel like chocolate, the thoughts go rampant wanting me to not go near it because I’ve been eating so healthy so far and that having a piece or two of chocolate will ruin it. Despite these thoughts, I’ve been eating chocolate anyway because I don’t want to deprive myself of what I truly want. But I hate that when I choose to eat healthier, these thoughts come rushing back.

I’m not saying that I’ve been acting on these thoughts. There is no way in hell that I’m going to go back to that dark place in my head.

I have to admit that I have been feeling better since I’ve chosen to add healthier foods and I’m most definitely NOT cutting back on foods like I did in the past when I chose to eat healthier. Today is Easter and I’m certainly not going to go without chocolate! Could you imagine a life without chocolate? I don’t even want to think about it…

I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this, and if so, how did you overcome it? I know that I just have to tell myself the honest reason as to why I’m choosing to be healthier, but I’m just scared that I’m kidding myself. I do like that I’m trying different foods and feeling better all round, but I just don’t like the effect that it’s having on my mind…

On a jollier note, Happy Easter!!!!! ūüėÄ

katy

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Giving Up Kitchen Scales?

Hey everyone!

Thank you for your awesome comments on my last post. Ugh, the Fitspiration movement just gets me so heated. It’s a disgusting movement and it makes me sad to see people following it and thinking that they’re being healthy. Oh well, it’s not my life. Not anymore.

For the past week, I’ve been housesitting for one of my brothers friends. When he asked me a month ago if I’d be interested I kind of freaked out and immediately thought, NO! But you know what? I scared myself and accepted to do it. I’ve never been flatting or relied on myself for food so I thought it would be a good little experiment for me to see how I handled it. Oh, and having a good friend to stay with me is always fun ūüėõ

But when I got here, I realised that I had forgotten something really important…

My kitchen scales.

*Gasp* Katy, what are you doing with kitchen scales? Why do you need to be measuring your food? Just gimme a second to explain, please.

At the beginning of my recovery, I needed to start measuring food so that I didn’t use too little amounts. That was over two years ago. But because I’ve just never thought about giving them up, I just…haven’t done it.

Now that I’m all of sudden faced to eat food without measuring it first, it kind of brought about some anxiety for me. I never even thought I had a problem with this but then again I had never given myself the opportunity to face this.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t measure¬†everything.¬†Just things like oats, rice, cereal, etc. But to be honest, I kind of need to measure my oats and rice so that I get the right liquid to dry ratio. Or is that just an excuse? I can’t tell!

It’s been a week now without my scales and I’m not too bothered, to be honest. Like I said, at first it made me anxious but now I don’t really care. It’s all about intuitive eating right? Scales shouldn’t be determining how much our bodies needs. Serving sizes on packets should not be determining how much we should be eating. Our bodies know how much we should be eating. They will tell us when we’re hungry and they will tell us when we’re fall. Sometimes we will eat when we’re not hungry and not eat enough when we are hungry. It’s all about practice. Learning how to eat intuitively isn’t easy but it’s incredibly liberating.¬†

I think I need to find some space in our cupboards at home for yet another disordered measuring implement.

Have you ever struggled with giving up your measuring scales? Have you ever even struggled with this? Tips?

Have a Slice of Rhubarb and Berry Crumble

Helloooo! Thank you all for your responses to my last post. I’m glad that you all agree with my food philosophy!

Today’s post is going to be slightly more delicious with a new, FODMAP-friendly dessert recipe.¬†

Ooooh yeaaah!

Katy-Pie’s Rhubarb and Berry Crumble

You will need:

  • 2 cups of chopped, uncooked rhubarb (~800 grams)
  • 150 ml water
  • 3 cups of frozen berries
  • 1 cup of white sugar*
  • 2-3 tablespoons of corn flour
  • 75 grams of chilled butter¬†
  • 1 cup of GF flour (2/3 cup rice flour, 1/3 cup tapioca starch, teaspoon xanthan gum)
  • 1 cup of oat bran
  • 1/2 cup of soft brown sugar

Preheat your oven to 180¬įC or 350¬įF.In a pot, gently simmer the rhubarb and water until soft and fluffy. Take off the heat and stir in the white sugar.

Poor into a lasagne dish and stir in frozen berries and corn flour.

In a bowl, combine the GF flour, sugar, and oats. When combined, chop the butter into cubes and rub the butter and dry mixture with your fingers (or put into a food processor – whatever takes your fancy) until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs.

Pour the mixture over the fruit and put in the oven four 40 minutes or until the top is golden brown. 

Serve with ice cream or custard. 

Enjoy!

*For a lower fructose content, use half white sugar, half glucose powder.

Food in Recovery

Hey, you beautiful lot!

How’s your week going? Mine so far has involved copious amounts of hot chocolate, YouTube and procrastination. Such as right now…procrastinating…oh dear…

ANYWAY…

I wasn’t planning on doing a post today but there has been something that’s been bothering me for a long time and it’s about time I talked about it.

And that’s¬†Food in Recovery.

I think everyone knows that recovery from an eating disorder involves food in every way, shape or form whether it involves cutting down on food or loading up on food or simply mending your relationship with food. 

I’ve always heard people talk about food as being¬†nourishing¬†and¬†medicine for the body,¬†especially during recovery. But when we (and by “we” I mean us folks in recovery) start to eat more in recovery, we think that we should really be concentrating on the “healthy” foods because they are the most nourishing.

Yes, that is partly true.

But in my case, when you’ve been starving yourself of ALL nutrients,¬†ANY¬†kind of food is nourishing to you whether it be fatty fries, grilled chicken, raw salad or potato chips. And it irks me that most people don’t mention this when they talk about refeeding. They talk about how often you should eat or sticking to a certain meal plan but it hasn’t been emphasised that ALL food is good for you.¬†

I am most certainly guilty in the past of believing that during my recovery I should stick to clean and¬†nourishing¬†foods because I need to give my body as much nutrients as possible. But you¬†need high calorie foods in order to gain back the energy stores that you lost throughout your weeks/monts/years of starvation. And by eating different kinds of foods, you will find out which ones make you feel your best and which ones don’t.¬†

During my recovery, I realised that I suffer from a mild form of IBS and I have to be careful with what I eat. I can’t eat cleanly all the time because I would be highly restricting myself. I can’t eat avocados, onions, garlic, peas, beans, peanut butter, too much wheat, all fruit but berries and citrus, etc. What would be left for me to eat? Not much really.¬†

I enjoy deep fried fish and chips from the fish and chip shop. I enjoy saturday nights watching movies and eating pizza from pizza hut. Even though they may not be the most nourishing of foods, they do still carry nutrients! All food carries nutrients. 

Now, I’m not trying to convince you to go and live off of fast food and chocolate. But what I’m talking about here is¬†balance.¬†You can’t completely restrict yourself to “clean” food during your recovery because that is still a form of restriction and is what some call “Orthorexia”. I went down that path the last time I tried to recover and it ended up with me getting even sicker than I was before when I ate even less!

The message to take away from this post is to enjoy food.¬†Enjoy the smells, the textures and tastes. When in recovery, it is important to¬†have fun¬†with food. Create things in the kitchen that you feel proud of. Bake cookies or muffins using ingredients like butter, oil and sugar. Because not only are you trying to nourish your physical being, you also need to satisfy your spiritual being as well. We get a lot of pleasure from what we eat. So don’t restrict yourself to certain foods.¬†

No food is bad.

Have you ever fallen into this trap?

What made you realise that there was no such thing as “good” and “bad” foods?