In Two Minds
I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, but I hadn’t figured out a way of articulating it. Now that it’s Easter Sunday and I’m up waaaay too early for my liking, I figure that my creative juices should be flowing, so why not write it now?
Of late, my eats (I hate the word diet) haven’t been the healthiest. I’ve been eating chocolate, cakes, processed meats, etc. for quite a while now and I’ve been feeling it. I have had no energy and I’ve just all round been feeling like crap. Mentally eating this way doesn’t affect me, but physically I’m suffering.
I discussed it with a close friend who’s digestive system is very much like mine (IBS, anyone?) and she’s been making healthy changes to her way of eating such as having smoothies, less processed foods, less FODMAP foods, less sugar, and she says she’s been feeling much better.
However, I am in two minds. I’ve been trying to add healthier foods into my day, but it’s really been making the orthorexic thoughts in my mind go crazy. I have an all or nothing personality when it comes to my “diet” and so on days when I haven’t eaten anything like chocolate, etc. and then I suddenly feel like chocolate, the thoughts go rampant wanting me to not go near it because I’ve been eating so healthy so far and that having a piece or two of chocolate will ruin it. Despite these thoughts, I’ve been eating chocolate anyway because I don’t want to deprive myself of what I truly want. But I hate that when I choose to eat healthier, these thoughts come rushing back.
I’m not saying that I’ve been acting on these thoughts. There is no way in hell that I’m going to go back to that dark place in my head.
I have to admit that I have been feeling better since I’ve chosen to add healthier foods and I’m most definitely NOT cutting back on foods like I did in the past when I chose to eat healthier. Today is Easter and I’m certainly not going to go without chocolate! Could you imagine a life without chocolate? I don’t even want to think about it…
I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this, and if so, how did you overcome it? I know that I just have to tell myself the honest reason as to why I’m choosing to be healthier, but I’m just scared that I’m kidding myself. I do like that I’m trying different foods and feeling better all round, but I just don’t like the effect that it’s having on my mind…
On a jollier note, Happy Easter!!!!! 😀