Monthly Archives: February 2012
Yep, this week has been tough due to, yes, the ‘A’ word.
I hate that word. I hate what the word means, what it represents for me and how it cripples me. If you don’t know what it is, the word is:
It came out of the blue. On Sunday night, my Brother stayed over because his wife was away and he was feeling sad and lonely. On Monday morning when I got out of the shower, he told me that he couldn’t face going into work that day because he was feeling like crap. Not physically but mentally.
This was when the anxiety started.
I think it’s safe to say that I worry too much. I worry that my family aren’t happy and when they’re feel grief, I want to take it all away from them and feel it for them because I would rather myself suffer than to know that they are suffering. I’m used to suffering from emotional distress anyway but it just doesn’t work like that. My Brother went home Monday night and as the week drew on, the anxiety was becoming so crippling that I couldn’t face the world and yet I literally forced myself to go into work no matter how sick I felt because I knew that I couldn’t hide away. I knew that the anxiety would lessen eventually but I just had to get myself to work.
On Wednesday, I emailed the Student Counselling Services and made an appointment for the next day. I had to kick this is the butt fast. And you know what? Seeking help that day was the best thing I could have done. Not only did the counsellor help me with my anxiety, she helped me to realise that my family are upset because they are still grieving the loss of my Grandmother. I am as well but I guess I’m focussing on my family’s well being in order to take the focus off of mine. The counsellor gave me some tips as to how I can calm myself down and be kind to myself when I feel like I’m about to have an attack. Seriously, this woman helped me so much.
Up until this appointment, I had been unable to eat properly all week and as soon as I left her office, I pulled out my cookies and ate them as I walked to work. I felt at peace and I felt OK about everything going on. I still hate the fact that my family is hurting but that’s what happens when someone we love dies and we just have to let them grieve in their own way. The grief lessens over time but right now the pain is still raw, especially for my Mum, and I have to let them deal with it in their own way. People die all the time and even though it sucks so – freaking – much, we just have to accept it.
Today, I’m going to be kind to myself and catch up on all the food that I have missed this week. I’m going to paint my nails, bask in the sunshine and go out for some retail therapy.
I want to thank Hedda, Sam, Marina, Kate, Jess, Scarlett and Kirsty for helping me so much via Twitter this week. You have no idea how much I appreciate your love and support and the fact that you guys believed in me really made me believe that I could get through it. Thank you all so much ❤
Anna and Cara, you are both so amazing and I don’t know where I would be without you two. You are rocks in my life and I feel so grateful to have you both as friends. Love you crazy girlies ❤
Question: Do you have any tips on managing anxiety?
As promised (I don’t remember when), here is my Oat and Nut Bar recipe:
Katy Pie’s Oat and Nut Bars
And they’re wheat and dairy free to boot!
You will need:
- ~100g of any nuts of your choice (I use mixed nuts)
- 1 cup of rolled oats (not porridge oats)
- 1/4 cup of oat bran
- 1/4 cup of brown rice flour
- 1/4 cup of tapioca starch
- 50g of coconut oil
- 3-4 tablespoons of brown sugar
- 3 tablespoons of golden syrup
- 1 egg
- vanilla extract
- Chocolate chips and seeds (optional)
Preheat the oven to 180°C fan bake. Put the nuts into a snap lock back and smash them with the end of a rolling pin until they’re crushed and lumpy. Combine the dry ingredients (including the sugar) in a bowl. Meanwhile, melt the coconut oil in the microwave and add to the dry ingredients. Then add the egg, golden syrup and vanilla extract. When that’s all combined, add in your extras. Dark chocolate is delicious in these!
Put into a 9×9 inch pan and flatten with a spatula. Put in the oven for 15 minutes or so until the edges are brown. Let cool before cutting into squares. Serves 12.
Hello! The lovely lady from this blog has tagged me for the 11 things question and answer thingy so get ready to be amazed.
1) I like wearing mens singlets. They are so comfy! However, I don’t wear them all the time. That would just be silly, geez.
2) I have two favourite perfumes: Britney Spears’ In Control and Hilary Duff’s With Love. LOVE!
3) I love every little thing about Stephen Fry. Everything. I wish he weren’t gay. He’s actually just down the road from me as I type this filming the Hobbit. The film studios are literally down the road from me. I was out for a walk yesterday and could see some kind of ominous looking village. Radcore man.
4) I have to wear socks in bed. Seriously, I have to. I feel naked otherwise.
5) I’m afraid of the dark. It gives me the heeby-jeebies.
6) When I look at “health food” blogs I don’t read them, I just look at the pictures. Everyone needs some food porn once in a while.
7) My perky bum gets in the way of buying clothes and underwear. Seriously, the only jeans that fit me properly are the ones from Primark in England and I have not yet found a brand of underwear that fit me comfortably. It’s wedgy central up in here.
8) I have a minor fear of flying but have always dreamt of being an air hostess. How does that work?
9) I cannot stand needles! If you put one near me or tell me that I have to get a blood test I will have to fight the urge to run away and cry. I would fail at being a drug addict. Just putting that out there.
10) I shave my legs, like, 6 times a year, if that. I can’t be fucked.
11) My bed sheets have to be tight and crisp before I get into them or else I can’t sleep. It can be annoying. Especially when you just can’t get them perfect!!
Here are the rules:
1: You must post these rules.
2: Each person must post 11 things about themselves on their blog.
3: Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
And here are the questions:
1) What is your biggest pet peeve?
Umm this would have to be gum chewers. It completely disgusts me, ugh. Sorry if you’re a gum chewer but if we are ever to meet, please don’t chew gum around me…
2) What is your idea of the “perfect morning”?
Sleep in till 9.30. Make blueberry pancakes. Buy things online. Oh, that sounds a lot like today actually 😉
3) Best movie you’ve ever seen?
Wow, umm…Probably Hot Fuzz. That movie is amazing.
4) If you could meet one celebrity in person, who would it be?
Who do you think? Stephen Fry!!!!!
5) The most exotic place you’ve ever visited (or would like to visit)?
The most exotic place I’ve ever visited was Noumea in New Caledonia. I went there on a school French trip for 10 days. I want to go back there!
6) Who’s a role model for you and why?
Stephen Fry. OK, I know that I’m obsessed with him but hear me out. He has lead an amazing life. He started his life as a thief, a liar and he spent time in jail for fraud. He has suffered heart break, depression and he has come through it. He still struggles with his depression and yet he continues to live his life to the fullest. He is so incredibly smart and I just completely idolise him. His attitude to life is just spot on and if I am ever worrying about anything I often wonder what Stephen Fry would do. Yes, I might be obsessed with this man but for good reason.
7) 4 qualities you look for in a good friend?
Kind, reliable, has a sense of humour and is rich…kidding! The last one would be driven.
8) 5 quirky habits you have?
- I heat up my hot meals to the point of a nuclear meltdown.
- I sleep on my tummy. There is not other way I can sleep!
- I like to shove my smelly feet in my Dad’s face. He really doesn’t appreciate it as much as I would like.
- I like to push on my nose to make it flat. It’s fun when you have a rather long nose.
- When on my walks, I walk past houses with fresh washing on the line because I love the smell of clean washing. Is that creepy?
9) Cake or ice-cream?
CAKE hands down.
10) 2 quotes that motivate you?
“The only thing holding you back is yourself.”
“If you never make mistakes then you will never learn.”
11) What did you want to be when you grew up?
I always wanted to be a vet up until the age of 14 when I realised I wanted to be a meteorologist. Oh, and I wanted to be the next Spice Girl. Yeah…
Now my questions:
1) Where were you born?
2) What is your favourite food right now?
3) What is your dream job?
4) Favourite cake flavour?
5) What annoys you the most about people? (Answer this however you want.)
6) Who do you look up to the most?
7) Would you consider yourself a nerd? Why?
8) Favourite kind of music?
9) What is one thing you like to do to treat yourself?
10) What time do you get up on a typical morning?
11) Summer, Winter, Spring or Autumn? Why?
And I shall tag:
All of you!
If you haven’t been tagged in this yet, feel free to do it yourself 🙂