What I learnt Whilst Watching The Kardashians

Thank you all so much for your kindness and understanding on my last post. There is a part of me that feels that I need to to keep these issues deep down inside of me because I should come across as strong and confident. Why? I don’t know. If you met me on the street you probably wouldn’t think that I had an eating disorder or had any mental issues whatsoever. I am quite a bubbly person and can appear confident even though I am shaking in my little space boots. So again, thank you 🙂

This weekend has been such a 180 compared to last weekend in terms of weather! Last weekend it was snowing and this weekend the sun is out and it’s 12 degrees Celsius! Can I get a woop woop? No? Fine.

I spent a lot of my Saturday watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians because that’s how I roll. Seriously, if you tell me that you do not like that show I am not going to believe you. However there was an episode that I saw that really got to me. It was the one where Kourtney is desperate to get into shape for a Life & Style shoot because she’s not completely back to her pre-baby bod yet. She was doing this shoot in order to show Mums out there that is is possible to get back into shape after having a baby. So in order to get back to optimum shape, she decided that she was going to take time off of work to workout 2 times a day and concentrate on her eating habits. At one point, Kourtney got into a fight with her boyfriend, Scott, because she wanted to go to the gym but Scott needed to work and she had intended on him looking after baby Mason while she was at the gym. Then she said, “You think that this meeting you have is more important than me going to the gym for my Life & Style shoot?!” Really? Really?! She then went to the gym and Scott cancelled his meeting. A day or two later, Khloe received a phone call saying that Kourtney had collapsed whilst running on the beach in the morning. When Khloe arrived, Kourtney was hooked up to an IV and was looking like death. She admitted that she hadn’t eaten anything that morning. In fact, she had barely eaten anything for the last few days.

Why am I telling you this?

Firstly, her approach was unrealistic. I can’t even begin to imagine the pressure she was under in order to have a bangin’ post-baby bod for a photo shoot. But her intention was to show woman that they can get back into shape after having a baby. What message would she be giving if she said that in order to get back to her old body, she hardly ate anything and worked out twice a day and ended up passing out due to supreme exhaustion?

I know I sound like I’m getting at her here but the only reason I am is because this is what I used to be like. I can completely relate and it just pisses me off that my priorities were once as fucked up as that. I used to skip any social occasion so that I could destroy my body exercise-wise. I would eat a piece of fruit here, a bowl of that there to get me through these workouts and for what? What was I trying to achieve? Was I trying to please anyone but myself? Was I even pleasing myself at all? Not really. What is wrong with just being and looking like a “normal” person? Why do we have to have muscles bulging from our arms or a flat stomach? I enjoy lifting weights in order to feel strong but there is no way in hell that I would ever go back to the gym to achieve a look that I know I would not be able to sustain in the long run. That’s just me. I have an obsessive nature and so when I commit myself to something, I will become completely obsessed. Therefore, no gym for me. No, no, no. I have way too many awful memories of running like a mouse in spinning wheel to ever want to go back.

I tried for so long to look like so many different people who I completely idolised. Jessica Alba was most certainly one of them. I would stare at pictures of her and wish for a body like that. I would work out according to how websites said she did. I would eat how she ate. I would do everything that someone else did, but why? Was I hoping that I was going to spontaneously turn into them? Why did I fight so hard to change my looks? Whatever happened to becoming the best version of me that I could be? Why do I have to look like somebody else? Well…

I don’t.

Apparently, I thought that if I looked different, I would love myself or at least accept myself. And maybe others would like me more. These days I realise that this body is my only body. It takes me from A to B when I need it to. It keeps me warm and lets me know when there is something is wrong. It has stood strong after all of these years that I have abused it and it still wants to function even though there are many reasons as to why it shouldn’t. For that I am eternally grateful.

What I am trying to say is that we should not abuse bodies in order to please anyone. We need to be the best versions of us that we can be. Our bodies will look the way that they want to in order for them to function at their best. No matter how hard you wished for something else, this is all you’ve got. Work with it. Roll with it. Krump with it if you’re that way inclined. (I know I am.) Because the fact of the matter is this: You are you. You are the only you and there is only one chance in this world to be you. Beautiful you. Strong you. Brave you. No matter what you look like there is someone that will always love you for you. Your smile, your love, your personality. Not your legs or your abs or the size of biceps. And hopefully there will come a day where you can see that no one actually gives a shit about your weight, the food you eat or whether or not you exercise. All they give a shit about is YOU.

Have you seen that episode? What did you think?

Do you have any thoughts on this subject?


Posted on 21 August 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I haven’t seen that particular episode, but from what you describe, I can definitely relate to doing some pretty stupid things in order to get thinner… and thinner… and thinner :\ Horrible times. I used to have a hardcore exercise addiction, and I remember exercising so much, and eating so little, that I was on the verge of passing out so many times. I was so focused on the things I hated about my body, that I didn’t stop to see all of the things that it blessed me with. It took me hitting absolute rock-bottom to realize that wasting my life constantly trying to mould my body into something it’s not isn’t a way I want to spend my life. There are far more important things than being the thinnest one in the room, especially because the thinnest one is hardly ever the happiest one.

  2. Agree, agree, agree Katy!
    You know that the thoughts you share here are all expressions of your separation from ED?
    It is really beautiful to see how you continue to both be aware of danger signs and take action. When ED had you dancing around it you didn’t take any independent action, you believed every evil thing it said. That you had to change your body. Be someone else. Why be someone else when you can be YOU? And why look like someone else when you can look like YOU? That amazing, healthy, strong, sexy Katy who krumps her way through life ( ahem 😛 ).

    It is so dangerous to fall into this trap of trying to make our bodies something they are not meant to be. Why should a different body be the perfect solution to every problem in life? Why do we think that we will be able to accept a different body, when we can’t accept the beautiful one we were born to have? And why, why global community, do we attach that much importance to appearance?
    We exist on the inside too, that is where our soul is. Our thoughts, emotions, hopes and ability to take positive action. A strong body is what enables us to realize our inner possibilities, and a strong body is the one who doesn’t oppose nature.

    As you I also avoid the gym and I probably will for a very, very long time. Why? Because I went there motivated by confusion, fear and pain. It was a disorded duty, it was punishment for being me. The gym became a prison for me where ED were allowed to punish me as hard as it found necessary. I have never been a runner. Or weight-lifter. I have been a person who enjoys long walks in the nature and horseback riding. That is me. That is what makes my body and mind happy.

    So – go out there, embrace the world and embrace YOU. Because you my darling have every reason to do so. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, they help me reflect and find a more positive and healthier perspective upon life and myself.

  3. I remember that episode! And I remember thinking how ridiculous Kourtney sounded fighting with Scott that it was more important for her to go to the gym- but then I remembered the sort of obsessiveness I had with making sure NOTHING messed with my weight loss/shaping up attempts back during my ED (I’m not implying Kourtney has an ED but I can only imagine how intense the pressure is for her as a celebrity to look a certain way)

  4. I don’t follow the show, but I totally relate to the point you are getting across. Making yourself suffer and putting that kind of pressure on yourself is absolutely horrible. Of course you do want to stay in shape, eat right and keep your body healthy – but trying to make it into something that it’s not meant to be is just plain silly.
    I think the key is learning to accept who you are where you’re at, and not constantly trying to “change” and improve. You’ve already got a good thing going, and you just need to learn to appreciate it.

  5. I never saw that episode and to be honest I always feel like watching that show does wonders for my recovery lol

    i’ll explain…

    they seem to eat a lot of normal foods and go out to eat A LOT. Its not surprising to see them with a burger or munching on chips and a soda.. At least that is what I SEE!


    • Dana, I know EXACTLY what you mean! I always used to watch Girls of the Playboy Mansion because I always saw them eating stuff that I never had the courage to eat and it MADE me get the courage to eat it. I thought well if they don’t give two hoots about eating it then why should I?

  6. What a bloody amazing post! I agree 100% that we need to learn to love ourselves no matter what. Sorry to hear about your past struggles, i can relate a bit as I went through a period of worrying about wanting to look a certain way and nothing was ever ‘good’ enough for me. Luckily I managed to change my mindset before it got out of hand and can really appreciate my important qualities now.
    I think it is helpful if we take a step back and look at our friends and family. Do we give a monkeys about how they look? NO! We love them for who they are, for their inner beauty, their quirks and imperfections. If everyone saw themselves from how others view them, I think this horrible desire to look a certain way would no be so prominant in society.
    Btw love the blog name haha

  7. Oh Katy, I love you so much for this post! I’m struggling at the moment and reading this was exactly what I needed.

    It’s actually really ridiculous if you think about how much time we waste hating on ourselves and trying to mold our bodies into a shape that they just weren’t made for. Yes, some people are naturally a size zero but the reality is that most people just aren’t. If we could just learn to be happy with the body we were born with then we would have so much free time to pursue other things! Like boys… I mean, like making our dreams come true and shizz like that. 😉

  1. Pingback: Irish Funny Man for Breakfast « Have a Slice of Katy Pie

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