In Two Minds

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, but I hadn’t figured out a way of articulating it. Now that it’s Easter Sunday and I’m up waaaay too early for my liking, I figure that my creative juices should be flowing, so why not write it now?

Of late, my eats (I hate the word diet) haven’t been the healthiest. I’ve been eating chocolate, cakes, processed meats, etc. for quite a while now and I’ve been feeling it. I have had no energy and I’ve just all round been feeling like crap. Mentally eating this way doesn’t affect me, but physically I’m suffering.

I discussed it with a close friend who’s digestive system is very much like mine (IBS, anyone?) and she’s been making healthy changes to her way of eating such as having smoothies, less processed foods, less FODMAP foods, less sugar, and she says she’s been feeling much better.

However, I am in two minds. I’ve been trying to add healthier foods into my day, but it’s really been making the orthorexic thoughts in my mind go crazy. I have an all or nothing personality when it comes to my “diet” and so on days when I haven’t eaten anything like chocolate, etc. and then I suddenly feel like chocolate, the thoughts go rampant wanting me to not go near it because I’ve been eating so healthy so far and that having a piece or two of chocolate will ruin it. Despite these thoughts, I’ve been eating chocolate anyway because I don’t want to deprive myself of what I truly want. But I hate that when I choose to eat healthier, these thoughts come rushing back.

I’m not saying that I’ve been acting on these thoughts. There is no way in hell that I’m going to go back to that dark place in my head.

I have to admit that I have been feeling better since I’ve chosen to add healthier foods and I’m most definitely NOT cutting back on foods like I did in the past when I chose to eat healthier. Today is Easter and I’m certainly not going to go without chocolate! Could you imagine a life without chocolate? I don’t even want to think about it…

I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this, and if so, how did you overcome it? I know that I just have to tell myself the honest reason as to why I’m choosing to be healthier, but I’m just scared that I’m kidding myself. I do like that I’m trying different foods and feeling better all round, but I just don’t like the effect that it’s having on my mind…

On a jollier note, Happy Easter!!!!!😀


Looking After Myself

Well, well, well…here I am writing another post! I’m soooo onto it. 

The last two days have been pretty crap. I’ve been off work for two days with a crippling cold and sleeping through the night was out of the question. Thankfully, I woke up this morning feeling sooo much better! My stomach actually feels relatively normal. The cold symptoms are still there, but that’s nothing that cold medicine can’t deal with.

I have pretty much been living off of fruit toast, butter, cheese toasties, and porridge and I’ve barely  moved. There have been no veggies in sight.

When I used to feel sick when I was in the depths of my disorder, I would struggle to rest and eat without going for a walk or run. I would feel guilty for looking after myself! 

Thankfully, I no longer feel like that. I do not feel guilty for feeding myself and resting my body. That’s what your body needs when you’re not feeling 100%. It has made me realise how important it is to look after yourself. I no longer worry about how much I’m eating or how little exercise I’m doing. I know that if I had restricted myself and gone for a work, I would have felt even worse for it. Exercise is supposed to make us feel good. If you know you won’t feel good by the end of it, then don’t do it. It’s as “easy” as that.

On a less sickening note, I have finally booked flights to go over to the UK! I am so excited. I now feel very poor, however. The trouble with living at the bottom of the world is that when you want to travel to the far north, it will cost you a pretty penny. My flights were relatively cheap considering what other airlines were charging, but I know it was money well spent. 

I’m very excited to finally meet some good friends that I’ve met through the blog world and twitter. I consider these people to be close friends even though I’ve never met them. How funny is that? 

Bring on the 23rd of June😀

Do you feel guilty for not exercising or eating properly when you feel sick?

Are you travelling anywhere exciting this year??🙂


I am Grateful for My Body

Man, I suck. I haven’t written a blog post since last year! I suck. Oh well, I’m sure you’ll get over it. I have.

I’m back because I need to talk about something that I feel very strongly about. And that is…

My body.

For years I’ve battled with my body. I starved it, pushed it through painful workouts, picked it – I basically treated my body like crap.

It isn’t until now that I realise how much my body has been through and yet it’s still working for me!

I bring this up because we always have those thoughts in our minds that we are never thin enough or our stomachs aren’t flat enough or we can’t run as fast or far as someone else. 

I still get thoughts these days telling me that I’m ugly and that I should eat sugary foods because they’ll make me fat and even uglier. Yes, I still have these thoughts, but I don’t act on them. I just put everything into perspective.

My body has been through so much because of me. It could have given up on me if it wanted. My body could have broken bones or left me injured for the rest of my life. But it fought for me. It fought against my efforts to torture it and has healed thanks to putting weight on and continuing to eat healthily. My mind may still not be completely recovered, but my body is. 

After so long of depriving my body of nutrients, rest and sugar (oh sugar, how I missed you!), my body wants it, so I eat it. I no longer want to deprive my body of anything, whether that be food, exercise, water, rest or sleep. I’m still making up for 7 years of deprivation. Eventually, I may no longer want sugar all the time, but right now I’m happy making up for lost time, and I feel good about it!

I am thankful for my body. I am thankful for everything it’s done for me. It has endured so much and I feel so bad about that. But what I have learnt from this awful experience is that our bodies are precious and they are our only vessels to explore this world. You only have one. Do not take advantage of it. Be kind and loving. Give it rest, movement and food. Even though you may not like how it looks, look at yourself in the mirror and thank your body for being able to pull through the worst of your illness. And most importantly…



Have you had a similar experience with your body?


Christmas Blogging Challenge

Hey guys!!!

Soooo, I’ve been M.I.A. for a while but I’ve been very good🙂 I’ve started back at work and I’m now earning some much needed moolah for my travels to Europe next year.

25 Days of Blogging Christmas Challenge

I found this on this blog and I figured that I’ve never done anything like this, so I’ll give it a go!

Christmas is my favourite time of the year, without a doubt. I love EVERYTHING about Christmas. EVERYTHING.

Let’s get started!

Day 1: Your favourite Christmas movie

Now I’ve really had to think about this one. What immediately comes to mind is Love Actually, probably because I saw an ad for it on the tele earlier and thought that I should really buy that. But then I thought back to my childhood and remembered a movie (albeit a really, really short movie) that I was in love with from a very young age – The Snowman.

If you haven’t watched it then you should.

Day 2: Your 2012 Christmas list

A Kindle. I need one. Like, medically. I need one for my travels!!

Day 3: When/how did you learn that Santa wasn’t real?

He isn’t?!

Day 4: Favourite Christmas Song

Would have to either be ‘Do they know it’s Christmas’…

Or ‘Fairytale of New York’…

(By the way, I was asking Dad what my favourite Christmas song is. I said, “You know that Christmas song by those people” and he knew what I was talking about! WUT?)

Day 5: Best gift you’ve ever received

Wow, I really don’t know! I’ve always been so spoilt when it comes to Christmas that I’ve received so many things that I am so grateful for. I guess it would have to be my first iPod nano. It was the first slim iPod nano. I was so obsessed with it😛

Day 6: Your favourite tree ornament

I don’t actually have one! I love all of our ornaments! Last year when Dad and I were in England, we wandered into Harrods and walked out with a few overpriced tree ornaments. They are pretty cool! But I can’t say that I have a favourite…

Answer any of the questions I have answered in the comments below! I would love to see what you have to say🙂